Why Does Mommy Love Baby More than She Loves Me?

Individual children develop quirks of behavior for many reasons. Sometimes the umbilical cord is wrapped around their necks during labor, and sometimes they are dropped on their heads at birth. But in this age of mostly competent obstetrical and neonatal care, curious traits of personality and behavior usually occur for subtler reasons than those.

Complex heredity plays a strong role in the personality that a child will display both early, middle, and late.

… social potency is 61% influenced by genes; traditionalism, 60%; stress reaction, 55%; absorption (having a vivid imagination), 55%; alienation, 55%; well-being, 54%; harm avoidance (avoiding dangerous activities), 51%; aggression, 48%; achievement, 46%; control, 43%; and social closeness, 33 percent.

Emotional characteristics found to be most influenced by heredity were shyness, extroversion, neuroses, schizophrenia, anxiety, and alcohol dependence. It is important to note that these are tendencies and not absolutes. Many children of alcoholics, for instance, do not become alcoholics themselves. Many social and cultural factors intervene as humans develop, and the child of an alcoholic, who may be genetically vulnerable to acquiring the disease, may avoid drinking from witnessing the devastation caused by the disease.
Read more: Heredity – Emotional Development, Extroversion, Genes, and Personality – JRank Articleshttps://psychology.jrank.org/pages/301/Heredity.html#ixzz6hN4dV6A9

As mentioned above, heredity of personality traits, cognitive styles, and character, is very complex, and changes somewhat over time — growing stronger with advancing age.

The first law of behavioral genetics is that all human behavioral traits are heritable; the second law is that the effect of being raised in the same family is smaller than the effect of genes. The third law merely qualifies that much of the complexity of human behavior is not accounted for by genes or families. Five years later, a team of behavioral geneticists proposed a fourth law, which accounted for advances in molecular biology: “A typical human behavioral trait is associated with very many genetic variants, each of which accounts for a very small percentage of the behavioral variability.” In other words, it takes many genes to create one personality trait.

So are children genetically predisposed to certain traits? “The answer is clearly yes,” explains Philipp Koellinger, who studies how genes influence economics at the University of Amsterdam. “Children resemble their parents both for genetic and for environmental reasons, but genetics contribute to almost all traits to some extent, even for things like subjective well-being or political affiliation.” And those influences only become stronger with time.

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Environment also plays a part, as when the darling of the house is “replaced” by a new baby, who seems to get all the attention. Sibling jealousy can lead to murder or it can lead to a more complex long term entanglement often involving abusive behavior patterns that can persist and grow ever more byzantine in nature.

It is the job of parents to monitor inter-sibling interactions. This is not merely to prevent siblings from harming each other, but also to prevent siblings from nurturing an internal personality dynamic which is deeply harmful to himself, apart from others. If the older sibling hones abusive behaviors on younger siblings, he may later turn these tendencies against others that he comes across.

Sibling jealousy, including obsessing over who is “mommy’s favorite,” is one tipoff that unhealthy feelings toward another sibling are being harbored, nurtured, and obsessed over in an unhealthy way. If the obsessed sibling is also given responsibility over the younger sibling during formative times of the younger sibling’s development, one may witness the development of some odd quirks of behavior in the younger child, as a direct result of the older child’s “training” of the hapless younger child.

A wide range of entangled interactions — some benign and some less benign — can develop over the years, if the jealous child can hide his envy and keep its effects relatively subtle and out of sight.

All parents of siblings should be aware of the broad range of personality types which may display in their children — some of them quite different from the dominant personality traits of either parent. And they should always be on the lookout for signs of behavior that originates in inter-sibling combat or hostility of a deeper nature than that of the everyday give and take.

Parents who are attempting to raise Dangerous Children should be particularly on the lookout for potential imbalances in their children which can lead to troubling social behavior — first between siblings, and later in the larger world beyond.

Your children are not your children, and your child is not your friend or confidant.

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable

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Your children are not your possessions, they are not your prisoners, and they are not your friend and confidant.

You are your child’s authority—that’s your role and responsibility. Do you have an emotional relationship with your child? Yes. But if you try to be friends with your child, it comes at the cost of your authority, and it undermines your role as a parent.

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Even worse is the phenomenon where the parent tries to fill all roles — including the role of the very harsh disciplinarian at one time and at another time the role of the close friend and confidant of deep and occult secrets.

No matter how much an expert a parent wants to be, it can be easy to let down one’s guard — especially with a favorite child with whom the parent may identify excessively. In such cases, one may forget the necessary boundaries and forget the necessary skepticism and “x-ray vision” with which a parent must always view the words and the antics of children.